Don't let them know
by HamilHeathersTrash
Summary: (Yes i have changed the summary and name of this fanfiction) I don't exactly ship HamBurr, and, as it turns out, this isn't too much of a ship fanfic. Rated M for later chapters and language. It does have elements of JeffMads, HamBurr, Hamliza, and probably more. It also has a crappy first chapter, so just bear with me, please.
1. Intro to Burr

**Warning: I haven't even started, but I already know there's gonna be smut. Idk what kind yet, I'll try to put a warning for anything that may have like nonconsensual or... yeah. I hope you enjoy :-)**

 **Another warning: Language**

 **Another another warning: I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing**

 **Another another another warning: I have no clue what goes on in courts, but Imma do my best** **Also, i took the liberty of altering things a bit. Yes, I'm aware this is actual history and i shouldn't really being changing the course or outcome of events but whatever** **I think this may be some form of AU but idk and idc**

-Chapter 1-

Looking at him, defending the client, reminded me of the first day we met, the way he walked right up to me.

"Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?" He had asked. I had, of course, been totally and utterly blown away when I looked down at him.

"That depends, who's asking?" I had responded, somewhat trying to be flirtatious. He had laughed. Laughed at what I said.

"Oh, sure, sir. I'm Alexander Hamilton, I'm at your service, sir." He had bowed, like the younf gentleman he was. "I have been...looking for you." Who knew what he had heard about me at this point? I began to worry. I wasn't sure who he was or what he wanted, but I sure as hell hoped he hadn't heard of my name through bad news.

"I'm getting nervous..."

"Sir, I heard your name in Princeton... I was seeking an accelerated course of studies when i got sort of out of sorts with-"

"Mr. Burr, sir!" My thoughts were cut short by the very person causing them- Hamilton. "You know you can't prove-"

"Mr. Hamilton, please! Order in the court!" The judge banged the gavel.

After the case, the client being ruled guilty, Hamilton stormed up to me. God, he's so cute when he's upset.

"What in the hell was that! You KNOW he was innocent!" I had told him so earlier. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but it was so hard to resist him. I shrug nonchalantly, trying to keep my cool.

"I was only doing my job, Hamilton. And it seems i was doing it correctly." I look over at him, smirking. He stomps his foot.

"You just condemned an innocent man to a lifetime in prison, Burr!"

I nod, hoping he doesn't notice the wince my conscience automatically gives me. "I know"

He huffs and turns on his heel. I watch him go, sighing. Yes, he's cute when he's mad. But sometimes... sometimes i wish that anger wasn't directed towards me.

I finally get home, dumping my things on the floor. I look at the photo of my wife... my little girl. I feel the tears well up again. They've been gone for at least a year now, but every time i look at the picture, it feels like the day I found out. I can still remember my fingers in her now bounceless hair, my tears on her cold- _NO_. I can't think about this, not now. I sigh to myself, setting the picture back down. i shrug out of the jacket, hanging it neatly on a clothes hanger and then joining the pants with it. I change into more comfortable jeans and a T-shirt. I make myself another cup of coffee, telling myself i should stop drinking it, but ignoring myself as i do every time. I open my phone to see twenty-two new messages from the group chat with James and Thomas. I was betting it would just be them telling each other how much they loved each other. They really are couple goals, but they can also be annoying whenever you're their closest friend... and single.

 _47 minutes ago_

[Thomas] _Hey guys!_

[James] _Hey babe~_

[Thomas] _Oh! Hey baby! Where's Aaron?_

[James] _Didn't he say he had a case with Hamilton today?_

[Thomas] _He did. Hope he wins_

[Thomas] _The bastard needs some humbling lessons_

[James] _He certainly does. I'm sure Burr will do great_

I smile. i _did_ do great.

 _40 minutes ago_

[Thomas] _Have I ever told you I love you guys?_

[James] _But you love me more right~_

[Thomas] _Of course 3 but i love Aaron too_

[James] _Oh dear. What did you do?_

 _27 minutes ago_

[James] _Thomasss..._

 _24 minutes ago_

[James] _Thomas! Babe!_

 _20 minutes ago_

[Thomas] _I'm here. What makes you think i did something?_

[James] _You're espressing love, that's what makes me think that_

[James] _expressing*_

[Thomas] _I'm out of Mac n Cheese and i don't wanna go to the store... HELP_

[Thomas] _And what do you mean by that? I express love to you all the time!!_

[James] _I'm omw with more_

[James] _And you may just hafta prove that to me when i get there ~_

[Thomas] _Of course I will... you're the best ~_

[James] _Damn right i am_

Yeah, they're cute. but i can't help but feel that pang of jealousy.


	2. Defeat

**So this isn't as much of a HamBurr FanFic as i thought it would be, but im enjoying it so far. I have great ideas for the future *rubs hands together maliciously* So i finally figured out why I'm writing this, which inspired me, which is why there's an update. I'm writing it because i relate to and ununderstand Burr more than I'd like to admit. I know the first chapter was a bit sorry, and i hope this one makes up for it. Feel free to leave reviews! :-)**

I decide to send them a text to let them know I won the case, and also to see if either of them wanted to hang out or if they were still… busy.

 _Just now_

[You] _Hey guys!! Guess who just won a case against Hamilton?!_

[You] _For once!_

I sigh and set my phone down. I need a distraction. I wish I could write my worries away, like Alex, or drink them away, like Laurens, or not even worry in the first place, like Thomas! I pull on my shoes and walk out the door, phone in my pocket in case anyone needs to contact me. I don't have a specific destination in mind, I just need fresh air. I pull on a hoodie and shove my hands into the pocket in it, taking a deep breath as if the cold air will help the chaos in my brain.

"What is wrong with you??" I begin, indulging myself in my half-insane habit of talking to myself. "You can't let every little thing bother you like this! Get over it!!" My voice softens as I inhibit my other side.

"But… it's hard. I miss them, and that damned Alex doesn't make anything better."

"I fucking know it! Believe me, I know it more than anyone! You know why? Because I AM you, you fucking idiot! You have GOT to be INSANE." I yell at myself, glad I don't live in the heart of the city.

I shrug. "You know what they say: Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

"Then I've been insane for a long time now!" I quiet down as I see a figure in the distance, now whispering to myself.

"We both knew that!" Then I stop in my tracks, realizing I just referred to myself as "we".

"What are you, fucking Golem?? I mean, I!! What am I!" I yell at myself, and cover my mouth when I remember the figure.

"Burr? Is that you?" I curse at the sound of the familiar voice. Of all people, it had to be Hamilton. Alexander Fucking Hamilton.

I call out in a squeaky voice, "Yes?" I clear my throat and answer again. "Yeah, it's me." He laughs.

"Were you… talking to yourself?" He asks incredulously, and I blush. Hard.

"No?" I clear my throat again. "Maybe?" He laughs at me again. Alexander laughs at me. Then again… I suppose I deserve it. He waves his hand dismissively.

"Never mind your newly discovered insanity… guess who just got asked by President George Washington to be his Secretary of the Treasury?" My jaw falls and my heart stops. Alexander? Really? I mean, we can all agree he's a nice guy… and cute… and charming… and hard-working… and yes, he is better than me. But still… I've been trying! And trying! And trying… and trying…. and trying. Just when I thought I was finally above him, beating him on that case…. He has to one-up me yet again. Still… I can't let him see how destroyed I am. I plaster a smile on my face.

"Let me guess… you?" I raise an eyebrow, doing my best to seem light-hearted. He smiles wide and nods.

"Me." He hugs me joyfully, our political views aside for a few moments and for a few moments, we're the same young friends who met at a bar, who bonded over alcohol, laughter, and meaningless flirting. Well… mostly meaningless. One part of me wants to melt into his arms, let him hold me forever; another part wants to pat his back and congratulate him; yet another part wants to pick him away and yell at him for being better than me. I settle for the only safe one and pat his back, smiling.

"Congratulations, Alexander. I know you'll do great."

"Thanks, Aaron." He checks his watch. "I'd love to stay and talk, but I've got Eliza and a stack of paper waiting for me at home. I'll see you sometime later!" He waves as he runs off, and I wave to his back, dropping my hand and my smile.

"How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore…! Go on and on…. Grow into more of a phenomenon…." I clench and unclench my fists, unsure of whether to be angry or sad or upset or jealous or motivated or discouraged. "Watch that obnoxious, arrogant, loudmouth bother… "I ignore the voice in my head that says "And also beautiful, charismatic, deserving, and enjoyable" I grit my teeth, wincing when they grind against each other. "be seated at the right hand of the father…." Luckily, a buzz in my pockets distracts me. It's Jefferson. Good. I need someone to vent to about Alex.

Just now

[Thomas] _YES! You CRUSH that whore's son!!_

[You] _Yeah… about that…_

[James] _Uh-oh_

[Thomas] _WTH DID THAT MOTHER FUCKER DO THIS TIME_

[You] _That "motherfucker" is now our nation's Secretary of the Treasury…_

[Thomas]

[Thomas] _You're kidding, right??_

[James] _Actually, we have something to tell you that's vaguely related to that_

[Thomas] _Kill me now_

[You] _What is it?_

[Thomas] _You mean to tell me…_

[James] _Washington actually invited Tommy to be in his cabinet as well_

[Thomas] _You mean to tell ME…_

[Thomas] _I'M WORKING ON THE SAME STAFF AS ALEXANDER FUCKING HAMILTON???_

My heart falls as the read the last few texts. No, no way. Thomas didn't even fight in the war!! All he did was write the stupid Declaration!! And he even misspelled some words! There is no. Way.

But deep down inside know it's true. Of course Thomas got invited and I didn't.

I slide set my phone to silent and slip it back into my pocket, trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of defeat. Why is it that I try so hard, and yet never succeed? Why is it that the man I love and my best friend always take the things right out from under my nose? I was so close… I was so damn close.

 **Poor Burr...**


	3. Apologies

I'm sorry guys, but since I'm lagging a bit behind in school, my mom took away my phone and tablet, and therefore I can't write anything. I'll be back as soon as I get my school done with more chapters, hopefully.


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